"LIVING WITH THE MATRIARCH "
FRACTURED FAMILY
"THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES"
My extremely close bond with my late grandmother drew criticism from some of her children, fueled by malice and greed directed toward me. She once shared with me that one of them said I was an accident of birth, and that she should have been the one to give birth to me. In her words, "Orisa said it was a mistake your father begot you; I would have been the one to have begotten you."
Despite this, she always protected me, wrapping me in a cocoon of love and care. Our relationship was often likened to that of a married couple, with my father joking that mediating between us required absolute caution. While living with her was not always easy, I knew she prioritized my welfare above all else.
When conflicts arose, I would seek my father's advice, and he would counsel me to apologize and make amends. I would heed his words, and peace would be restored. The matriarch's attempts to distance herself from me were met with my displays of love, honesty, and respect. We were inseparable, attending her age-grade meetings, visiting the market, and working together on various projects.
Our unity of purpose was a testament to our mantra: "Union of hearts reflects that the sky is not only the limit of our achievements, but also beyond it." She taught me valuable lessons about coexistence, resilience, and determination. My grandfather's contemporaries [ Emmanuel Awom, Eli Chioma and Edward Nwokeukwu all of blessed memory] would often refer to me as Nwazue, her late husband's name, which I found intriguing.
Auntie Eji once commented, "I do not know what is between my mom and my nephew, Prince," acknowledging the special bond between us. Auntie Ebby once commented,
"Where you placed yourself in Mama's life, has made her seek your approval before carrying out my instructions". This was for her a painful acknowledgement of our bond. But I told her it was not my fault rather it was a natural phenomenon.
My grandmother made numerous pledges to me, including funding my education, and fulfilled every one of them. She saw me through my academic pursuits, from nursery to tertiary education, and even visited me unannounced at university with goodies.
As I gained admission to Abia State University, she felt the pain of my absence but continued to support me. She would often express her love and affection, saying, "Uzo, those beautiful pictures you sent me from campus, l kissed them." Her words strengthened our bond, and I felt grateful for her love.
She promised to help me travel abroad and made arrangements to secure a better life for me. Through her nurse tenant, she took me to meet an importer who would process documents for me to leave the country. She designated $3,000, which she had saved during her time in the USA, but unfortunately, it was used by Chief Orisa and Ugwudiya Blessing to finance their chieftaincy coronation.
The controversy surrounding the piece of land she gifted me became a source of envy among some family members.
Auntie Ebere told me in my face that without their agreement, I would not have got that piece of land. In similar token, Chief's estranged wife, Blessing challenged the matriarch's decision in this regard. In her words, " Last born inherits mother's legacies according to Ibeku's tradition." She had meant with this, that my uncle should be the rightful person to inherit the matriarch's bequests.
However, she defended her decision, citing scripture and her conviction to leave a lasting legacy for her grandchildren. We read Proverbs 13:22 and 17:6 together, which supported her decision to leave an inheritance for her grandchildren. Proverbs 13:22 says, "A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up for the righteous." Proverbs 17:6 says, "Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children."
Despite opposition, she stood firm, having made a decision before we were even born that we would be part of her beneficiaries. The piece of land was bought through her efforts, and I drew up the initial agreement. The land was a composite of three separate pieces, and we acquired it through various transactions. One of the pieces was obtained through a trade with my late Uncle Emerson Ochiabuto, who had bought materials from my grandmother but could not pay for them. He offered to trade a piece of land near her residence to offset his debt, and we agreed.
We also bought another piece of land directly opposite her house from Dr. Pastor Ozuruonye Oriaku, which she intended for me to build my house on. Additionally, Emmanuel Awom's sister sold us her piece of land adjacent to the one we bought from Mr. Emerson, due to diabolical spirits that people presumed aboded at the Apu tree on her land. All these pieces of land now make up the land where my houses stand.
"As I moved into my new home, l invited my grandmother to bless the house and pray for me". But she had a different plan in store. In front of my parents, uncle, my wife, and a few cousins, she pulled out a small plastic pouch. She asked me to cup my hands together, and then poured sand into them. As I knelt before her, she asked if I could count the grains. I shook my head, and she smiled. "Just like the sand, your children will be countless," she said. "You will be successful, and you and your wife will live peacefully on this land l have given you." She promised that no harm would come to me and that she would defend and protect my interests, both in life and in death. She warned that no one should try to take away the property she had gifted me.
She turned to the gathering and praised me as a faithful, respectful, and honest grandchild who had earned her trust. One of her reasons for gifting me the property, she revealed, was so that I could live close to my uncle, Chief Orisa.
As I look back on that moment,I am struck by the contrast between the unity I once thought our family had and the harsh reality that has since emerged. It is clear that family dynamics can shift in unexpected ways. Well, that is the way the cookie crumbles.
Still, I am left with the wisdom and love my grandmother imparted that day, and the realization that sometimes, that is just the way life unfolds.Through her love and support, my grandmother taught me the importance of family, legacy, and perseverance. Her legacy continues to inspire me, and I am so grateful for the bond we shared.
"That is the way the ball bounces"
My extremely close bond with my late grandmother drew criticism from some of her children, fueled by malice and greed directed toward me. She once shared with me that one of them said I was an accident of birth, and that she should have been the one to give birth to me. In her words, "Orisa said it was a mistake your father begot you; I would have been the one to have begotten you."
Despite this, she always protected me, wrapping me in a cocoon of love and care. Our relationship was often likened to that of a married couple, with my father joking that mediating between us required absolute caution. While living with her was not always easy, I knew she prioritized my welfare above all else.
When conflicts arose, I would seek my father's advice, and he would counsel me to apologize and make amends. I would heed his words, and peace would be restored. The matriarch's attempts to distance herself from me were met with my displays of love, honesty, and respect. We were inseparable, attending her age-grade meetings, visiting the market, and working together on various projects.
Our unity of purpose was a testament to our mantra: "Union of hearts reflects that the sky is not only the limit of our achievements, but also beyond it." She taught me valuable lessons about coexistence, resilience, and determination. My grandfather's contemporaries [ Emmanuel Awom, Eli Chioma and Edward Nwokeukwu all of blessed memory] would often refer to me as Nwazue, her late husband's name, which I found intriguing.
Auntie Eji once commented, "I do not know what is between my mom and my nephew, Prince," acknowledging the special bond between us. Auntie Ebby once commented,
"Where you placed yourself in Mama's life, has made her seek your approval before carrying out my instructions". This was for her a painful acknowledgement of our bond. But I told her it was not my fault rather it was a natural phenomenon.
My grandmother made numerous pledges to me, including funding my education, and fulfilled every one of them. She saw me through my academic pursuits, from nursery to tertiary education, and even visited me unannounced at university with goodies.
As I gained admission to Abia State University, she felt the pain of my absence but continued to support me. She would often express her love and affection, saying, "Uzo, those beautiful pictures you sent me from campus, l kissed them." Her words strengthened our bond, and I felt grateful for her love.
She promised to help me travel abroad and made arrangements to secure a better life for me. Through her nurse tenant, she took me to meet an importer who would process documents for me to leave the country. She designated $3,000, which she had saved during her time in the USA, but unfortunately, it was used by Chief Orisa and Ugwudiya Blessing to finance their chieftaincy coronation.
The controversy surrounding the piece of land she gifted me became a source of envy among some family members.
Auntie Ebere told me in my face that without their agreement, I would not have got that piece of land. In similar token, Chief's estranged wife, Blessing challenged the matriarch's decision in this regard. In her words, " Last born inherits mother's legacies according to Ibeku's tradition." She had meant with this, that my uncle should be the rightful person to inherit the matriarch's bequests.
However, she defended her decision, citing scripture and her conviction to leave a lasting legacy for her grandchildren. We read Proverbs 13:22 and 17:6 together, which supported her decision to leave an inheritance for her grandchildren. Proverbs 13:22 says, "A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children, but a sinner's wealth is stored up for the righteous." Proverbs 17:6 says, "Children's children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children."
Despite opposition, she stood firm, having made a decision before we were even born that we would be part of her beneficiaries. The piece of land was bought through her efforts, and I drew up the initial agreement. The land was a composite of three separate pieces, and we acquired it through various transactions. One of the pieces was obtained through a trade with my late Uncle Emerson Ochiabuto, who had bought materials from my grandmother but could not pay for them. He offered to trade a piece of land near her residence to offset his debt, and we agreed.
We also bought another piece of land directly opposite her house from Dr. Pastor Ozuruonye Oriaku, which she intended for me to build my house on. Additionally, Emmanuel Awom's sister sold us her piece of land adjacent to the one we bought from Mr. Emerson, due to diabolical spirits that people presumed aboded at the Apu tree on her land. All these pieces of land now make up the land where my houses stand.
"As I moved into my new home, l invited my grandmother to bless the house and pray for me". But she had a different plan in store. In front of my parents, uncle, my wife, and a few cousins, she pulled out a small plastic pouch. She asked me to cup my hands together, and then poured sand into them. As I knelt before her, she asked if I could count the grains. I shook my head, and she smiled. "Just like the sand, your children will be countless," she said. "You will be successful, and you and your wife will live peacefully on this land l have given you." She promised that no harm would come to me and that she would defend and protect my interests, both in life and in death. She warned that no one should try to take away the property she had gifted me.
She turned to the gathering and praised me as a faithful, respectful, and honest grandchild who had earned her trust. One of her reasons for gifting me the property, she revealed, was so that I could live close to my uncle, Chief Orisa.
As I look back on that moment,I am struck by the contrast between the unity I once thought our family had and the harsh reality that has since emerged. It is clear that family dynamics can shift in unexpected ways. Well, that is the way the cookie crumbles.
Still, I am left with the wisdom and love my grandmother imparted that day, and the realization that sometimes, that is just the way life unfolds.Through her love and support, my grandmother taught me the importance of family, legacy, and perseverance. Her legacy continues to inspire me, and I am so grateful for the bond we shared.
"That is the way the ball bounces"
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